Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Rules for enjoying Halloween Horror Nights

Last Sunday I managed to make it to Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando, and I've got to say that i was very disappointed in it. I guess I had set my expectations too high. Or maybe I just wasn't in the right frame of mind at the time. So to help you get the most out of your experience, here are some helpful hints for your own experience.

1. Rest up!: I cannot stress this enough, but your basically going to be on your feet the whole time. This isn't your usual trip to Universal Studios, where you get to sit on every ride, show, and restaurant. You will be waiting on your feet to get into the Haunted Houses, to get out of the Haunted Houses, and waiting to get into The Bill and Ted Stage show. My advice is to pick between the two, either do the park in the day or wait to do Halloween Horror Nights in the evening. Your feet will thank you for this.

2. Take care of business: You know what I mean. Your greatest fear of the night should not be whether or not your have clean underpants. If you can stand it, I don't see why you can't use the park's facilities. Just remember that your in a theme park with hundreds of drunk college students, and the toilets aren't set to autoflush, so you can your chances if you really want to.

3. Don't Peek: As much as it pains me to point this out, but the primary source of entertainment from this is the jump scares. If you, like me, can't help but peek around every corner when you enter a room, then this probably isn't the event for you. But if you are the kind of irrational ninny who jumps at every loud noise and quick gust, than you might enjoy this. For the record, I did only two of the houses, and was disappointed in both, so I might be the wrong person to give advice on this matter.

4. Leave Bill & Ted for last: Now this only goes for those of you who actually want to see this. For those of you who don't know, Bill and Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure is the stage show they have every year that play's out like a Friedburg and Seltzer movie. For those of you turned off at that idea, I do have to say that it oddly works on such a small scale. You don't expect Hollywood level comedy from this, just jokes at the stupid things in the news or pop culture mixed with random dance numbers. But still, it is about half an hour long, so would advise that you do all the houses you want beforehand, because as I mentioned before, you don't get to rest your legs much throughout the event, and you don't want to remind yourself of how good it feels to sit that long.
and my most important tidbit of advice
5. Be a Drunken College Student: Unless you have a convincing fake I.D., you are not going to enjoy this as much as others. There is no doubt in my mind that this event is nothing more than a ploy to sell six dollar Jello shots to people who have just hit their twenty-first rotation around that big fireball in th sky, and are looking for any reason to get wasted. Maybe with enough drinks in me, even I'd be afraid of the fake blood and chainsaws. But this of course means bringing your wallet and lots of cash into a crowded place where often times you are being filed through a dark and distracting hallway with people you don't know behind you. It would be very easy for you to lose said wallet to someone you didn't notice, because you were to distracted by a fat guy caught in razor wire. Just keep that in mind the next time you find yourself pondering whether or not you want to go to this event.

I'm sorry if this took such a dark turn, but I feel that I was lucky to not have it to me, or even to anyone that I know, as far I'm aware. It's just that it's such a real threat that no one warned me about, and I just realized how easy it would be to lose your drivers liscence, your bank card, and whatever cash you had on you at the time. Anyway Happy Halloween and I hope these tips will help you to enjoy this event to it's fullest.

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